Eye On CameraWare -- feature

Written by Staff

SEXUAL PEAKS

What you usually hear or read is that men peak at around 18 and women peak at 35. This seemingly huge difference is based on two different perspectives of sexual function.

A man's sexual peak is usually measured by physical performance. Men typically get erections most easily and most quickly at around the age of 18. Eighteen year olds also have the shortest recovery period between climaxing and being "ready to go" again, and are thus able to have the greatest number of orgasms in a limited period of time.

At any age, of course, there is much more to sex than just physical capacity. Indeed, function is only one aspect of sexual pleasure, defined more broadly as the enjoyment and satisfaction of having sex.

A woman's sexual peak is often gauged by such sexual satisfaction, leading to the conclusion that women reach their sexual peak at a later age. Women typically report that they enjoy sex the most and have orgasms most easily in their early- to mid-30s. This may be because it takes them longer than men to feel comfortable and confident in their sexuality. Fear of pregnancy may also interfere with a younger woman's enjoyment of sex. Culture also probably plays a role, since young men in many parts of the world are encouraged to explore their sexuality sooner than are young women.

Given otherwise good health, there is no reason that you can't enjoy sex well into your 80s or beyond. And just think how much you will have learned, and how much more skilled a lover you will be as you get older.

WHAT MAKES A GOOD LOVER?

A good lover is not a person but an experience. An intimated sex partner may not excite, may be exciting at the beginning but disappoints in the finale, and may produce an orgasm that falls short of relieving. A good lover gets it all together. It is a person that cares about the interpersonal relationship, is secure in his sexuality, and learns the techniques of sex without being caught up in the need to perform. He cares about the relationship so it can continue, be developed and nurtured. He tries to concern himself with the needs of his partner. Technique increases the possibility for high excitement and gratification by providing more options for fantasy to develop. Fantasies begin in childhood and there are many changing requirements. The excitement of clandestine sex has its roots in childhood that sex is naught, stolen, and must be hidden. It’s easier to invest with grand expectations and fantasy with a new or anonymous lover. As reality sets in the excitement is replaced with disappointment and lack of interest. A good lover is a partner willing to allow the fantasy gratification and has the ability to excite and satisfy.
New experiences rely heavily on fantasies. Continuous relationships block the fantasy and require trust, honesty, and good will necessary for sharing fantasies, knowing what excites and what inhibits. A woman who can’t tell her lover she has not reached orgasm is cheating herself and her partner. Things can’t then get better. A man who does not like his partner on top by be depriving himself and his partner. A good lover must be free of guilt about sex and be able to give and receive maximum physical and mental pleasure in lovemaking. Making love must be in an uninhibited, leisurely, nonexploitive sharing of sensations and feeling. Both are free from should and shouldn’t. A good lover says, "I care for your well-being" and lets her trust open up to him completely. He knows how to praise. He has taken the trouble to learn all he can about sex stimulation and response.
To sense his woman’s feelings requires that he is in touch with his own feelings. He senses the needs of his partner and tries to give her those actions that will please and excite her. He stays with her until she is satisfied. He must insist on doing whatever it takes to bring her full satisfaction. He should also show her what he enjoys, and should show delight when she responds to his requests. A good lover is imaginative. He doesn’t make love in the same old way in the same old place with a set routing that is predictable and clocked. Above all he stays with her until she is fully at rest. He holds her closely in his arms when sex is over.

DO WOMEN KNOW WHEN THEY HAVE HAD AN ORGASM?

Our sexual culture teaches us to expect great sexual things. Women expect to experience orgasms (preferably multiple) but these orgasms are expected to be like" bells ringing" or " the earth giving way", the actual experience often falls short of those expectations. Most women seek a hopeless quest for the authentic ‘true" orgasm. Many women say they are nonorgasmic and yet when questioned they feel their vagina contracting involuntarily, and feel their heartbeats pulsating in their vaginas, and later after sex they are calm and physically satisfied. Women today are told to expect orgasm to be an event of earth shattering degree. Many are in a state of denial and note that their nipples were not erect at the time of orgasm they could not have had orgasm. Once a woman becomes aware of the sensations they feel, and allow themselves to be flooded by these feelings, they become aware that the sensations are pleasurable and more orgasmatic and intense in nature. Orgasms differ from woman to woman, from moment to moment and from partner to partner. Men wrote most articles on orgasm and much emphasis is place on female orgasm as a sign of total adequacy. If a woman feels inadequate and incapable of ever doing anything right, know that no matter what the body responses are, it cannot be orgasm. They expect orgasm to be always explosive and intense. They must feel vaginal contractions and all the other signs written about in order to have a "real "orgasm.