Eye On CameraWare -- community

I was having a nice libation the other night, relaxing and listening to music, when my cat came into the room. I doled out a couple of pinches of catnip, and we started chatting. Yes, my cat gets very talkative when he sees me enjoying a nightcap. So anyway, he and I started talking about "true-isms." You know, general rules of thumb (or rules of dewclaw, as it is known in the cat world). He let me in on a few feline laws, as long as I promised to not tell any other humans. With any luck, my cat won't figure out how to do a search on the Internet and find out I spilled the beans. If you should happen to see my cat, don't tell him I told you.

The world according to my cat:
If there are more cans of cat food in the cupboard, reject the food your humans have given you. The best method is to slowly back away from the bowl and look horrified, as if they have just given you Rancid Rat brand. Be sure and lick your butt afterwards to make your preference known.

Cat litter really does not want to be in the box. Be sure and fill all four paws with litter before leaving the box. Rewards will be given to the cat who tracks it the furthest.
Only eat dry food when your humans are trying to sleep. This is especially effective if the bowl is near the bedroom.
Your humans will often need help making sure their cars look their best. Immediately after they have washed the car, it is your responsibility to make sure it is properly decorated with paw prints. The same rule applies to freshly polished furniture.
If God had meant birds to fly, he'd have given them faster wings.
Grasshoppers have too many legs. However, if you remove one leg, they hop in the proper sideways pattern.
Never, under any circumstances, perform your famous tricks in front of guests.
Under no circumstances may two cats pass within eyeshot of each other without colliding into a fast spinning, fur and claw ball, and making a noise that would freak out a grizzly bear.
Keep a pound of cat fur spring-loaded and ready to go. In times of trouble, shed as much on your human as possible.
Acoustics in the car are really cool for singing at the top of your lungs.
Vacuum cleaners are the spawn of the devil.
Hairballs are best served warm, in the middle of the busiest floor in the house.
When there is important cat business to tend to outdoors, stand at the door and howl like the world is coming to an end until your humans open the door. Then change your mind.

The bag or box that prizes come in are far more entertaining than their contents. Do not be fooled! Take immediate possession of all cardboard boxes and completely ignore all so-called "cat treats" they have purchased.
All expensive cat treats are ruined the moment they are touched by air.
Humans are totally incapable of doing anything on their own. Be sure to supervise them closely during all phases of any important operation.
When you see your human on the computer, be sure and assist them in making sure all the keys have been pressed. Despite those handy opposable thumbs humans possess, those long, skinny fingers cannot press the same number of keys a cat's paw can.