It's a mad, mad world on the net and it's a hard, long living for us Inspectors. Daily, I am inundated with masses of people wanting, desiring an extensive peck at my brain. The everyday undying gratitude of those I inform with my wise words, in between sips of my ice cold glass of whiskey is just the price one pays for basically knowing it all. In fact, as an example, let me tell you about,” The Case of the Missing File”. Having just sat at my computer and cracked open my morning beer, I was  immediately setup by a lost computer person who had accidentally deleted an important file within the Cwsender. Lost, confused, upset, not knowing where to turn, he came to me, of course. Ha! Not likely anyone else is capable of solving his problems nearly as well as I could. Those who hope to follow in my footsteps had better pay close attention and have a liquor product near by. I asked this gentleman: Now what the heck possessed you to do something so foolish? I got the usual moment of silence and took a peek at a hot babe broadcasting. The following conversation ensued:
 

Gentleman: Well sir, I am not certain what I did but this error does state that I had inadvertently lost a file. Is there a way to resolve this?

Inspector Tech: A Lobotomy comes to mind but since that’s the only area I’m not skilled in we will skip it for now. Ok, so this file is missing. When exactly was the last time you seen this file?

Gentleman: That would be early this morning before this error occurred and I didn’t find your comment funny.

Inspector Tech: Funny is in the eye of the bottle beholder. So this file has been missing for some time. Can you describe it in detail for me?

Gentleman: It’s a file! It looks just like any other file and if I knew so much about it, I would know how to fix it myself!

Inspector Tech: Highly unlikely as you are not me! I am the Inspector here. If you did not need my assistance you wouldn’t be here, would you? But you are! Now do you want my help or are you just wasting my bar time?

Gentleman: Ok. I am sorry. Yes, I do need your assistance with this. I don’t remember much about the file itself as it was situated in the entire application file.

Inspector Tech: So, let me get this straight. You have no description. Its only been missing a few hours and the other members of this file family are in great despair with its absence, correct?

Gentleman: arrrggh!  Basically!

Inspector Tech: Has this file been spotted anywhere during the time it disappeared until your brilliant move to contact me?

Gentleman: No! I have not been able to find it anywhere in my computer.

Inspector Tech: Is it possible that it was kidnapped?

Gentleman: A backdoor? A hacker? An unknown virus? I hadn’t considered that possibility.

Inspector Tech: That would be because I, alone, am the great and wise Inspector!

Gentleman: How can I be sure that everything else is protected? Help me!

Inspector Tech: Calm down! I have a hangover! First, we must do a thorough search for fingerprints.

Gentleman: Ok! How do I do that?

Inspector Tech: I’m going to send you a friend of mine, Detective Tracer. If anyone can pull prints, he can!

**At this point, I sent my friend to visit while I checked out the babes, you know, honing up my body searching skills and downed a shot of tequila (for medicinal purposes of course)

Gentleman: Thank you Inspector! A virus was found and removed. Can I now re-download the entire application? Would this return the missing file?

Inspector Tech: Have you no compassion for your files? What about its family? Don’t you think they care? Do you think they are not going to see you just *replaced* the file as if it meant nothing? Is this how you restore your problems???

Gentleman: Ahhhh ok! So, if I restore my computer to last week, the files will all be intact! Thank you great and wonderful,

Inspector Tech! I will recommend you to all my friends! You truly are brilliant!

Inspector Tech boots Gentleman from room

*Shrugs* What? He had nothing to say that I didn’t already know and he interrupted happy hour at the bar!

Case Closed!!
 
 

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